Rainbow & the Other: March 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Right of unmarried couples

India court backs rights of unmarried couples

BBC News - ‎The Supreme Court in

India

has endorsed the right of unmarried couples to live together in a case involving an actress accused of outraging public decency. Live-in, pre-marital sex no offence: SC Economic Times - There is good news for the votaries of the live-in partners. The Supreme Court on Tuesday observed that the live-in relationships between the adult couples cannot be treated as an offence. Khushboo wins the case on sex before marriage Oneindia Living together a part of right to life, not an offence: SC Indian Express No illegality in live-in relationship between majors: SC Times of India Mulayam's comments shocking: AIDWA

The Hindu - ‎The All-India Democratic Women's Association (AIDWA) has condemned the reported statement by Samajwadi Party chief Mulayam Singh that if women belonging to affluent families (industrialists and bureaucrats) were elected MPs they would be “whistled” at ... Mulayam Singh is a pervert: Jaya Prada Mid-Day Mulayam remarks 'sexist, Talibani' Indian Express Sify - Times of India - NDTV.com - IBNLive.com all 180 news articles » हिंदी में

महिला सांसदों पर बजेंगी सीटियाँ: मुलायम बीबीसी हिन्दी - ‎Mar 23, 2010‎

समाजवादी पार्टी के प्रमुख मुलायम सिंह यादव के महिला आरक्षण पर दिए बयान ने भारी विवाद उत्पन्न हो गया है. मुलायम ने कहा कि महिला आरक्षण बिल का फायदा केवल बड़े उद्योगपतियों और अफसरों के परिवार की महिलाएं उठाएंगी और उन पर लड़के फब्तियां कसेंगे और सीटी बजाएंगे. इस बयान को आपत्तिजनक बताते हुए उत्तरप्रदेश की सत्तारूढ़ बहुजन समाज पार्टी, भारतीय जनता पार्टी और कांग्रेस ने मुलायम सिंह की कड़ी आलोचना की है. वर्तमान स्वरूप में ...

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Jealousy makes us value the other person

'Monogamy bores me terribly'

Telegraph.co.uk - Cassandra Jardine

Convenient mythologising of monogamy in nature have recently been exploded. Even swans, once believed to be models of fidelity, have been found to carry on outside the nest, even though they return to their partners.

Therapists increasingly believe that infidelity should not be condemned so much as analysed and discussed. Esther Perel, a New York counsellor, has led the way with her influential book Mating in Captivity, in which she advocates a more rational – indeed French – attitude to increase the chances of a happy marriage. Extra-marital affairs, she says, are a way for individuals to explore themselves and to revitalise a stale sex life. “Jealousy makes us value the other person.”

“That sounds like an excuse,” says clinical psychologist Roy Shuttleworth, whose own theory of infidelity is that couples stray because they need to maintain a distance from one another – essential for coping with the possibility of loss. He tells the story of a bride and groom who were unfaithful on the eve of their wedding – she with the best man, he with the bridesmaid – because they were about to become so close; subconsciously, they needed distance, or so the theory goes. It goes some way to explaining why many men stray when their wives are pregnant: “They know that the baby will bring them closer as a couple.”

Janice Hiller, also a clinical psychologist, takes a different view: “Feelings of abandonment or neglect lead people to stray. If society was more tolerant, it would be easier for couples to explore how that came about.”

Maybe, but straying is hardly recommended. However deep-seated the impulse, or universal the experience of being attracted to someone other than a spouse, infidelity causes great pain. Most people still see monogamy as the ideal. “We want someone special to us,” says Kate Figes, author of Couples. “Some people cope by making rules about what is and isn’t allowed. But with any sexual experience, there is the risk that you will become attached. 'Why do I need it?’ people should ask themselves. There must be something lacking.”

Nevertheless, even Paula Hall, spokesperson for Relate, believes there is something to be said for the French view of fidelity as desirable, but not always achievable.

Meera Ravi | Arrange Your Love Marriage | Relationship Counselling | Health & Wellness

Meera Ravi, a Bangalore based Psycho-therapist who in her recent book ‘Arange Your Love Marriage’ has tried to place human relationships in its correct perspective.

Thank God, Kiran Bedi has retired - dnaindia.com Anil Dharker Monday, December 24, 2007

She complained about the glass ceiling in the police force due to her gender, yet didn't shy away from the acclaim she got for being the first woman in the IPS. Then there was the 'crusader' image that she cultivated throughout her career. There are several others before her who did the same, people like Arun Bhatia and GR Khairnar, who also became media darlings. They all had one thing in common: the publicity they received for 'taking on' the powerful, was extensive and their resultant celebrity was heady, but their period in the sun was short-lived.

That is to be expected: common sense (and tradition) tell you that civil servants should neither be seen nor heard, and the people who have built glittering careers in any of the services, have been discreet, kept their own counsel while always keeping the big picture in mind before jumping into action.

Humility by Bruna Martinuzzi

The dictionary defines humility as someone who is modest, who lacks pretense, someone who does not believe that he or she is superior to others. An ancillary definition includes: “Having a lowly opinion of oneself, meekness”. The word humility first struck me in the context of leadership when Jim Collins mentioned it in his seminal work Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't...

We often confuse humility with timidity. Humility is not clothing ourselves in an attitude of self-abasement or self-denigration. Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth – but without arrogance – it is the antithesis of hubris, that excessive, arrogant pride which often leads to the derailment of some corporate heroes, as it does with the downfall of the tragic hero in Greek drama. It’s about a quiet confidence without the need for a meretricious selling of our wares. It’s about being content to let others discover the layers of our talents without having to boast about them. It’s a lack of arrogance, not a lack of aggressiveness in the pursuit of achievement…

Humility is also a meta-virtue. It crosses into an array of principles. For example, we can safely declare that there cannot be authenticity without humility. Why? Because, there is always a time in a leader’s journey, when one will be in a situation of not having all the answers. Admitting this and seeking others’ input requires some humility…

Something interesting happens, too, when we approach situations from a perspective of humility: it opens us up to possibilities, as we choose open-mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view. We spend more time in that wonderful space of the beginner’s mind, willing to learn from what others have to offer. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being perfect and we enjoy being in the moment.

Bruna Martinuzzi is the Founder and President of Clarion Enterprises Ltd.
Bruna is an expert on leadership, emotional intelligence, Myers-Briggs and presentation skills training. Based in British Columbia, she teaches, consults and coaches and she can be contacted at bmartinuzzi@increaseyoureq.com

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Anger is resentment manifest as brooding, self-pity, depression, unhappiness and masochism

Resentment, most costly indulgence

Economic Times - ‎8 Mar 2010, K VIJAYARAGHAVAN

While all the seven failure traits elaborated by Dr Maxwell Maltz are highly relevant, ‘resentment’ is the most damaging of all these. The person concerned, perceiving injustice, wrongs or ingratitude nurtures a vague hope that his antagonism and intimidation would bring change of heart on the other person or situations without. But this imagined ‘cure’, as noted by Dr Maltz, is worse than the disease. This unabated resentment, he also points out, “is a deadly poison to the spirit, makes happiness impossible and uses up tremendous energy, which could go into accomplishment”.

Such resentments are manifest signs of a self-image of not just a “pitiful person, a victim, who was meant to be unhappy” , but also one who needs unfavourable and hostile situations around him as alibis and excuses to justify this self-image chosen for himself. The person thus easily finds causes to attribute motives, ill intentions and hostilities, where none may exist.

To go into the root causes of resentment, which process alone would also root it out permanently , it is thus necessary to be brutally frank about oneself, rooted in that abiding self-honesty that would expose to one’s own evolved self’s various complexes within , besides startling, yet glaring truths. This dynamic approach would enable one to comprehend that just as a harmful self-image was of his own making, changing that, to form a new one, is also in his own hands.

This process, as Dr Maltz points out, is that “creative goal striving” , where one becomes responsible for his own success and happiness. This also is the pathway to real freedom from impediments, both from within and without.

Such freedom is thus through selfanalysis, understanding and acceptance, leading to the needed major paradigm shift. This analysis would also reveal to the seeker that resentment and anger are often the same — the two sides of the same coin. In its passive form, anger is resentment manifest as brooding, self-pity, depression, unhappiness and masochism.

Comprehending the various aspects of this complex, yet ‘not, after all so complex’ issue would be pathway to truly and enduringly changing one’s self-image . The new found self-image , bringing with it freedom from that costly indulgence of resentment and other retarding traits within, would also indeed bring with it a new chapter in all aspects of life and living.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Reproduction and Perfection

With Each Human Birth, the Cosmos is Created and Perfected Anew by Gagdad Bob

In this murky state of affairs, the world "is dead, empty, an abyss of division." And yet, here we are, like mushrooms that have sprouted in the darkness of the cosmic naughtmare.
Kirayn Chavda - Sex is basically a process of reproduction. You are going create a new life. So at the time of Sacred sex, you are having a tiny share of God's powers, and that makes you feel like the ONE, and you are closest to God. Also the act takes you in to the trans immediately. Further when it is sacred sex, you dont have any kind of guilt or fear. That makes your feel even more spiritual. 2 Mar

Hugh Higgins - I am detached from all this discussion about Tantra, but have to say that Sri Aurobindo did not recommend physical Tantra, and even sex of any kind was barred by him from the Ashram. He taught that to reach the higher or highest spiritual ranges one must transmute the sexual instinct into something way beyond it. If there is anything "sexual" left "up there" it would be bliss and ananda beyond anything we can define and probably beyond our past experiences. It would not be expressed in physical intercourse. 2 Mar

Drew Exell - Sex is one of the oldest industries on the planet. It won't be going anywhere anytime soon. I suggest not worrying about it ; ) 2 Mar

Hugh Higgins - Yes Drew, I have always found the anti-pornography fanatics to be nuttier than the pornography-lovers, maybe. Let it be. When people have grown out of it they move on. You can't force them out, it just makes things worse. 2 Mar

Drew Exell - I agree ; ) The quickest way to get someone doing something you think they shouldn't is to forbid them from doing it ; ) Let people dabble, they will soon discover for themselves it isn't very exciting, and move on of their own accord. Trusting someone to make their own decision is always more effective than making it for them, in my experience anyway ; ) 2 Mar

Sri Aurobindo's Marriage (Part 1) -- by Raman Reddy MAR 5, 2010

It is dangerous to commit mistakes of this kind in spirituality because by the time you realise that you have gone astray, you would have ruined your life for good. Traditional wisdom (apart from plain common sense) has been repeating it from hoary times not to mix sex with spirituality and Sri Aurobindo has been uncompromisingly clear on this issue. His Yoga can be practised in spite of sex, but not through sex, and he forbade his disciples from any immixture of it. The sexual energy, however, has to be sublimated and transformed into the “pure divine Ananda in the physical”, of which sexual pleasure is “a coarse and excited degradation”. [2]

Christianity and Sexuality in the Early Modern World

Regulating Desire, Reforming Practice

By Merry Wiesner-Hanks

The book surveys the ways in which Christian ideas and institutions shaped sexual norms and conduct from the time of Luther and Columbus to that of Thomas Jefferson. It is global in scope and geographic in organization, with chapters on Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox Europe, Latin America, Africa and Asia, and North America. All the key topics are covered, including marriage and divorce, fornication and illegitimacy, clerical sexuality, same-sex relations, witchcraft and love magic, moral crimes, and inter-racial relationships.
Each chapter in this second edition has been fully updated to reflect new scholarship, with expanded coverage of many of the key issues, particularly in areas outside of Europe. Other updates include extra analysis of the religious ideas and activities of ordinary people in Europe, and new material on the colonial world.

The book sets its findings within the context of many historical fields- the history of sexuality and the body, women's history, legal and religious history, queer theory, and colonial studies- and provides readers with an introduction to key theoretical and methodological issues in each of these areas. Each chapter includes an extensive section on further reading, surveying and commenting on the newest English-language secondary literature. ISBN: 9780415491884 Published February 25 2010 by Routledge.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Federalism in India, Pakistan and Malaysia