Make money, make funny, make honey

Feminine Mythtique Ambika Shukla timesofindia.com Saturday, June 3, 2006

Ho hum, here’s the umpteenth attempt by the umpteenth woman to explain what women really want, as if we were some kind of mutant species that had to have our strange noises and signals decoded. We’re actually not fooled. The longer men pretend they don’t understand, the longer they have an excuse to skip doing any of the things we want them to. Ignorance is bliss, right? I mean, did you know that when we ask you to put the toothpaste cap back on, it might actually mean what we mean, and not some Martian code for “make love to me quick”.

It’s not that men don’t know, it’s just that they don’t want to know, or that they don’t want to admit to knowing. Women are less self-delusional. We know what men want. That’s why the makeup, the perfume, the lingerie, the gym, we’re not knocking ourselves out for nothing. We’re not fooling ourselves that it’s our charm or intelligence or baking skills that men want, we know pure and simple, it’s our bods. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be all fat and floppy, walking around wideeyed wondering what it was that men really wanted?

Men on the other hand don’t do anything to brush up on fidelity or consideration, romance, humour, foreplay or any of the things we’ve been bleating on about for years. Of course, they know what we want; it’s just that the selfish sods don’t want to do anything about it. So they do the next best thing, they pretend to be all confused by the strangeness of the female and how hard it is to decipher what she wants. How can a guy be blamed when he doesn’t even know what makes her happy?

It takes a nuclear scientist, naturally, to figure out that she might just appreciate a little time and interest, and a genius to understand that maybe, she might not be thrilled by her partner sleeping with her best friend. But the poor chap couldn’t have fathomed that, could he? Party’s over, guys. Your cover’s blown. We know you know. So here for the last time is the list: Provide for us, amuse us and love us to bits. Simple. Make money, make funny, make honey. Your time starts now.