Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Marriage Today

In a predominantly partriarchal society marriage was an apt arrangement which not only helped the economically & physically weaker women to survive but also allowed some rules around sexual communion. But why was this a partriarchal society in the first place? Was it because men were physically stronger or was it something else? I have huge faith in the power of nature to find a solution. I believe that a partriarchal arrangement was nature's way of setting some rules around human survival. It was not a man made arrangement but a culmination of a series of different methods tried at different times. And the best survived. If you disagree you will have to give better reasons.
So why am I raising this now? How much of a partriarchal society is this anymore? I was trying to think of the marriages that are around me. In a majority I see the women have some kind of earning power. In quite a few I even see women having more earning power. In many I see women playing the dominant role. All of these three conditions are alien to men. Now let's look at the men. Once the master of the house he now finds his dominance, his earning power, his decision making all challenged at each point. In many a households they are no more the more educated. Its a quezy situation to be in, more so when you have enjoyed your thousands of years of nature-gifted dominance.But women having allowed themselves to be dominated for circumstancial reasons have regrouped. They are equally educated, earn now and most importantly have discovered that sexuality is no more a disadvantage but can be used to good effect to make way in society.
Result? A permanent feeling of imbalance in most marriages. You fret, you slap, you kick, you fume! Sometimes you kiss and make up. Sometimes you make love and make up. At other times you just drink and make up. Sometimes you just make up. Sometimes you just dont make up and continue. I do not see a single perfect marriage around me. Some are nasty, some stoically pathetic, some are so shamful that the least said the better and some give me the picture of slave trade (does not matter who is the slave and who the master).
So what happens to the institution called marriage whose basic tenets did not factor in a society in which men and women share power. In today's scenario where each of one of us wants to lead a life on our own terms marriage is archaic. Think of it - if you were asked to marry your best friend (forget gender here) would that be exciting? Why would you want to adjust 24 hrs with someone even if he/she is your best friend. For most of us the idea would puke.But it is marriage's second reason that is the bigger problem. And this worries me the most. Most marriages fail after the reckless couple has procreated. And where they dont those moments of make belief kiss and make up (Hollywood Ishtyle) becomes the catalyst of procreation.
Suddenly you are left to parent a progeny who inherits the confused state of the world. Soon it becomes another tool of the power struggle. Like the car, the TV, the fridge it also becomes the bone of contention during nasty moments of tug of war. Unlike the tangibles it cannot be divided into two equal halves. But who cares in this war of the sexes. Each of us become a reason for a blotched childhood that leads to another disastrous adulthood. And the cycle goes on...The law most often, with its eye blindfolded, gives custody of the child to the woman. Is it an acknowledgement of the 9 months of gestation or is it a signal of the imminent shift. But then we still have things like alimony, ladies seats, all reserved compartments for women. The physical strength of men is but the last bastion but the age of Viagra will soon come up with a solution. So what will happen to Marriage? posted by kaushik Thursday, December 22, 2005 at 7:39 PM 4 comments

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